October 2019

One of the best ways to help our children who come from hard places learn to trust and bond with us is through connected parenting.  The Empowered to Connect Conference brings to light many techniques and suggestions to do just that.  One of those ideas is a thousand “yes’s.”  When you have a biological child you spend a lot of time that first year or two: holding, feeding, snuggling and looking into the eyes of that baby telling them how much you love them and how precious they are to you.  The infant we had since birth was told yes over and over.  Every time they cried, we changed them, fed them, cuddled, rocked or snuggled them.  A child from hard places may not have had that precious time.

Yes.  Vector Illustration

So how do we build that trust with a child who did not have a thousand yes’s?  A child who did not know we would move heaven and earth to meet their every need — say “yes” as often as you can.  Be intentional.  Every time you think about saying “no”, ask yourself, “can I give my child a yes instead?” Many times we say “no” out of convenience, selfishness or we did not even really think about or consider saying “yes.”  The more “yes’s” I can give my child, the better my child will respond, and the more able we are to connect.  We cannot always give “yes’s” but the more often we do the easier it seems they can accept the “no.”  An example of saying “yes” when you would typically say “no” might be when your child reaches for a snack 10 minutes before dinner, instead of saying “no”, try saying, “let’s put that next to your plate and you can have it once you have finished your supper.” That “yes” meets her need as well as yours.  She gets her need met and you get one more deposit in your trust account.

By Sherie Madewell-Buesgens, LBSW

Woman is having the morning coffee at home

How important is self-care?  When you are a parent, self-care is a requirement.

Did you catch that? A REQUIREMENT! 🙂

Now that the kids are back in school hopefully you have a little more time in your schedule, if not you may just have to carve out the time.  If you struggle to find the time, wake up 15 minutes earlier or stay up 15 minutes later, put it in a your calendar just like an appointment, do some self-care over your lunch or while the kids are napping.  Self-care does not have to take a lot of time it just has to be something that gives you a break, is done on a regular basis and helps you re-energize.

There are many different types of self-care:

• Physical – moving your body such as going for a walk, a run, dancing, yoga, bike riding or any physical movement you enjoy.
• Emotional – honoring the way you are feeling that day- expressing your feelings in a journal, listening to your favorite music, talking with someone and sharing your thoughts and feelings.
• Spiritual – doing something good for your soul such as making a gratitude list, writing a thank you note, practicing positive self-talk.
• Personal- spending some time doing a hobby you enjoy such as reading, knitting, baking.
• Social – spending quality time with someone such as meeting a friend for coffee, watching a movie and eating popcorn with your spouse after the kids have gone to bed, calling a friend.
• Household – cleaning and organizing a room, closet or even a drawer.
• Pampering- treating yourself by having your nails done, buying a special treat, enjoying a bubble bath or massage.

There are so many ways we can help ourselves feel better and live healthier, less stressful lives.  If you are treating yourself with love and kindness, you will respond to your kids and spouse in a kinder more loving manner as well.  Self-care is a requirement not an elective.  Challenge yourself to start today.

This blog post was written by Sherie Madewell-Buesgens, Post Adopt Coordinator